number 5

I haven't wrote about this last chemo yet.

Honestly I was scared to.

At number 5 chemo appointment, Dr. Wu came and talked with me about my tumor marker number blood test. They had went up since the last one, and that is not good.
He said not to worry, but I needed to come in for a CT scan.
It could be nothing, it could be my liver or kidneys, or the cancer could have spread and the chemo could not be working.
It just brought back all beginning fears and memories. I think anyone who has gone through cancer can go back to those beginning worries and nervousness that "it" is coming back.

The actual chemo treatment wasn't as bad as the first 4. I didn't get near as car sick feeling, but my body hurt like you wouldn't believe.
I think cause I felt better and was trying to keep my mind off the ct scan results, I over did it. But it was nice to not feel like death, just not feel good.
Side note: while doing chemo you either feel like death or not like your going to die. So when I say I feel good, I mean I don't feel like I am dieing. 

I knew "it" wasn't back or spreading, but it was in the back of my mind, it was in the front of Kyles mind. He was very worried and nervous.

It seemed like while I was wondering if my cancer had came back, everyone on facebook thought they were having the worst day/week/month/year of their life. I told Kyle I just want to tell "so and so" to suck it up, but I didn't tell anyone that. I just kinda feel like unless you've had to worry about your children growing up without a mom or had to hope that if something went bad your husband would someday find love again, maybe don't be so dramatic. If the worst thing that has happened to your in your life is a little rough patch of grown up life or something getting broke, thank God that he didn't give you a bigger trail and be thankful to feel good enough to get out of bed.  

Ok, thats the end of that rant...

I started to feel like death again on Saturday, and then Sunday I started to run a fever.
Monday as we made our way for number 6 chemo treatment and the results of the CT scan, Kyle and I had a little cry together and then pretended that we knew all would be fine.

Thank goodness Dr. Wu has amazing nurses, as soon as I got back there my favorite nurse came and told us we could do a happy dance, all is well. I think both Kyle and I could have cried tears of happiness and do a happy dance!  

But Dr. Wu was to nervous to let me have chemo with a fever happening, I was very sad about it, it just pushes it back another week. But my wonderfully positive Kyle has convinced me that taking a week off is alot better than ending up in the hospital.
So next Monday I will have my number 6 chemo treatment, and I will only have 2 left!

For this week, I am going to drink my tea, sleep, thank God for all the good in my life, enjoy listening to the girls tell their crazy stories, and laugh.