Stop Growing...

I was taking some pictures of my chickens, and I thought I better snap a few of the girls looking like rag-a-muffins! I tell them everyday to stop growing, but no one listens to me!! 

Chickens!!!

Yes, I am a crazy chicken lady.
My girls are crazy chicken girls!!
You would be too if you got chickens, they are so fun to watch and relaxing!
We had 5 leghorn chicks that Ginger hatched, but one died.
Then we got 6 more, I dont think we are at the point of chicken hoarding, but we may be getting close!!

A nascar wedding!

Jessica and Joey finally got married!
It was actually a beautiful wedding and perfect for those two!
I made the cake and it turned out beautiful, but even more than that it was delicious!!!
I'm so glad that I got to go in and see them on their special day!

the rest of Jakells

While visiting Jakell, we did crafts, cause thats how you keep my children entertained! We made our own paint, and me and Jakell made crayons!

We watched the kids play dance dance revolution!!

 We played in the snow, till someone threw a rock filled snow ball at the sliding glass door.

We enjoyed being up there, it made me miss my sisters more!!!

Visit to Jakells

Kyle had to go up to Fallon for the fur show, so I told him we were taking a few days and going to go spend them with Jakell!

It is the longest ride up there, for real the longest most desolate roads in America.
But we got there and were so happy to see all the kids and Jakell and even Riley!!

We didnt do alot cause between the 2 of us we have 8 kids! The kids ran and scrame and had so much fun! 
We did make it into Reno and went to Scheels and had some delicious pizza!

Cancer sucks.... balls!

I go in for surgery on tomorrow, I get my hard expanders out and soft implants in.
It is bringing up all kinds of emotions, I am really nervous and scare, but excited too!
I think it will be alot like getting a regular boob job, but they will be scrapping all of my scar tissue and I have heard that is not pleasant, at all.
I have a hard time comparing it to a boob job, because well... getting a voluntary boob job done is not like what I have had to do.

The girls are freaking out over me going in, I have tried to make it happy good thing, but that still doesn't stop the questions and the tears.
The plan changed a little on how to get them to Grandmas house and there was major meltdowns this morning. (I have ruined them cause none of us deal with plans changing well.)
Grace was sad because she wouldn't be able to see me before she left,
Alaynna said she was going to miss me and cried hysterically, 
and Addison was fine, cause shes the peace keeper at this house! 
I really hope this cancer thing hasn't ruined my children.

It's been awhile since I wrote anything down, chemo brain makes it really hard to write and make any sense. I cant make my mouth say the word I am trying to, that is if I can think of the word I am trying to say. I have always sucked at spelling, but I honestly cant spell anything anymore, Google is my best friend!
I occasionally have no tact, but when I am tired, well I have none, steer clear!!

I have always been pretty anti social, but lately it has gotten even worst.
I don't leave my house unless Kyle makes me, and when I have to, I get a horrible scared feeling inside.
When I do venture out,
I think everyone is looking at me,
wondering why I look so old now,
why my hair is short,
if I am going to die,
did they get it all.
I know that in reality no one even notices me, and when they do they wish me well.
But I have some issues,
cancer issues.
I have really been asked (multiple times) why I cut my hair short? and Did they get it all?
Both questions are my least favorite, ever, and I imagine high five-ing you in the face.

Most days, (when I don't leave my house), I am good, but then the littlest things set me off into a tail spin,
(don't watch Chasing Life my fellow cancer people.)
of depression and panic attacks.
I feel like no one understands me, I have hair now so I am all good.
I don't know if emotionally I have ever been this crazy.

I'm pretty sure I am still in denial about even having cancer.
I wonder who came up with the term 'battling cancer'. I feel like this last year I just sat in my chair, falling asleep, waiting for the next doctor appointment. I don't think I 'battled' anything.
I don't know what to say to people about this 'cancer experience'.
Do I even mention that I have had cancer, and how do I say it?
I have not battled cancer, I sat in my chair binge watching netflix, hoping to feel better the next day.

But, with all things considered, life here at the Leavitt home is good.
We are counting down till the fair, the twins birthday, 2 new nieces, and summer! 
If this last year of sitting in my chair has taught me anything it would be how much I love my little family. 
I cant wait to get the girls back on Sunday and yell at them for being messy and loud and crazy!