The biggest reason is cause I have chemo brain, horribly!!!!!!! Kyle is always saying that I have Alzheimer's cause that really is how bad it is some days. It is very frustrating!
I can be talking, and right in the middle of my sentence and I will forget what I am saying, or where I was going with the pointless story I am telling.
I also forget words, or I cant remember the word I am trying to say.
And if I dont set an alarm or write a note, it will not get done.
Like when I forgot I told Grace to stay after school cause she had piano, and then didnt pick her up till the school called me!!!!! Ya, I am that mom now.
I have always been so organized and controlling, and I am neither now, cause I honestly dont have the brain power to be either.
Did I mention it was very frustrating, cause it is!!!
I was texting with one of my pink sisters and she also said that was one of the hardest parts of this post cancer treatment life. We both are on the tamoxifen so I am guessing that is a big part of why the chemo brain is still here. Also I have noticed if it isnt the chemo brain my new friends are going through, it is the damn hot flashes, they are something terrible!
Another reason I havent wrote in awhile, not even on my cancer-versary, (December 4th), is because as I look back at this last year, I feel like all I ever was, was a cancer patent.
And I am really sick of cancer!
I have mostly good days, but there are some bad days in there. The good seem to be great and the bad seems to be really bad. But I get through it and I wake up the next morning and try to not have more than one bad day in a row.
I haven't had to go to any doctors appointments since the first part of December. I got the great news that I should get my soft implants in March! I could have went one more time to Dr. Anne and had one more fill, but I was so over the doctors and the pain that I am just going to hope they look wonderful!
I go in for my 4 month check up Monday, just to talk to Dr. Wu and Dr. Pomerantz (the oncologist and radiation oncologist) and get some blood drawn, without a port, blahhh! The only good thing about the port was how much easier it made getting blood.
My energy levels are coming back to normal for the most part. Most days I feel great and can get alot done, and then there are some days that I am really tired and just want to sit around all day. But hey that just means I still can play the cancer card if I need to!
Another post cancer treatment issue is my radiated side sucks, ha! I dont have great mobility with it, it gets tired easier than the other side, and its stiff. I am going to ask about physical therapy and hopefully start that soon and make it better. I really think once my soft implants are in, it will be alot better!
I hope to have a very uneventful 2015, only filled with good, or at the very least, not bad things!
This last year has been a learning and growing experience, I feel like it has really made me a better version of myself.
I think I am more patient, positive, loving, appreciate the small things in my life, and less judgmental.
I have learned alot about myself this last year, and even thought it really was horrible, I got through it, all is well, and that is a really comforting feeling!
No comments:
Post a Comment