Chemo and after

2-10
Before I started chemo today, Dr. Wu came in and said if I have a fever, diarrhea, or bleeding from anywhere,  peeing anything, to call or go straight to the hospital.

So I sat through chemo, it is not fun, about 3 hours of just sitting watching poison drip into your body.
When I was done I needed to pee before the trip  home, so before I left the office, I went to the bathroom.....

My pee is red........

So I go back into the office and find my nurse and say " uhhhhhh I am peeing red. I do not want to go to the hospital."

She just laughed and hit her head, she forgot to tell me that the "red devil chemo" makes your pee red for the first few days!!!

I for real had a full on panic attack.

These are just the pictures i could get from Facebook, I felt all the love and support.
My favorite is the last picture of the crayons. My aunt Tia had a snow sculptor go out in -18 weather and make these, his niece is going/or has been through the same crap.
All the love and support is just overwhelming, it makes me feel so loved!


Tuesday I was just tired, and we had to go back in to Vegas to for a shot. I slept the whole way in and the whole way back. The shot they give you makes your bones hurt, it is a hurt that is hard to explain and if you never have to feel it, it is to soon.
Wednesday I hurt everywhere, they say to take a Claritin and alive, I should have know better, I cant take cold medicine, so Wednesday I was sick.
Chemo is like pregnancy sickness times 1000, everything taste terrible, like I havent ate anything cause it all makes me want to puke. Even things you think would taste ok, like crackers, blahhhh taste terrible. I have only threw up twice, and it was cause I was being stupid, I wont be taking my oils while doing chemo.... yuck!
I think the next times it will be a little easier, only for the fact we will know what to expect a little more.

I expect to sleep, sleep alot.

It makes me feel like a terrible mom, after a little breakdown last night, Kyle kindly reminded me that this chemo is making me live, making me be around longer, making the cancer leave, making it so they all have to deal with me for the next 80 years!

I was finally able to feel more human last night so I bathed all the girls and talked with them all, it was nice to feel a little normal.
Grace said someone in her class told her that I had cancer, but she said no I didnt, cancer is when you are in a wheel chair, really sick, and bald. I laughed a little and then told her that I did have cancer, and the medicine they were giving me was going to make me bald for a little while. After talking about it for a minute she decided it was ok as long as it grew back!


This morning was valentines day, for some reason they were all so excited! 
So after getting our "heart attack" outside that the girls loved and it made me feel loved, I let them eat toast with nutella and chocolates for breakfast. Hopefully we have a good day together and I get a nap while they go down and play at Great Grandma Leavitts house.

Thanks again for all the love and support, I feel it all!