Today's the day...

2-6
This week I have realized that in 2 short months I have went through the 5 stages of grief.
I had a few of these feelings at the same time, and I am sure when I loose my hair I will feel these feeling again.

The first stage is denial.
I think I called Dr. Annes office at least 3 different times asking if they were for sure they didn't mess up my results. I truly thought they they did, ever time they told me different I was devastated. I also was in denial about having chemo.
The second stage is anger.
I had so much anger, with good reason. Sometime I still do. If they would have caught this years ago it would have probably been a simple lumpectomy. The radiologist that did my first biopsy is very happy I never called to tell him what I think of him.
The third stage is bargaining.
I didnt really have these feelings. I just always wonder why they didnt catch it, I was doing everything I was suppose to. I called the doctor, I had countless ultrasounds, I had a biopsy, I did monthly exams, I did it all right, it was the doctors that mess it up.
The fourth stage is depression.
Luckily I snapped out of this one pretty quickly. I think it was going to the "look good, feel better" class. Seeing the people who are so down and negative, and then seeing the few people who were just dealing with the crappy hand they had been dealt and being ok. You can tell a difference in these people. And when it comes down to it, my cancer could have been SO much worst, I am lucky, I probably wont have to have radiation, I have healthy happy kids, I have a husband who I love and even like, I have a wonderful extended family who wants to help, I have friends who have been so wonderful, I have a lot to be positive about!
The fifth and last stage is acceptance.
I have accepted that I have to just deal with this. I have to get chemo, it is my insurance that I will be here for way to long. I had to have the mastectomy and have foobs (fake boobs) cause like the shirt saying says, the real ones were trying to kill me.

It has only been 2 months, and it feels like forever and yesterday at the same time.
I am in a good place, I still have bad tired days, and I know those days will be many after chemo starts, but I am ok with it. I know that I will make it out stronger and it is only going to be about a year of the real hard part. A year is not that long!

2-8
I have been overwhelmed with gratitude this week. 

I have had some great friends that have stopped by with sweet gifts, some friends I didn't even know I had, but am so happy to have in my life, with books that will help pass the long hours of chemo, scarfs to cover my beautifully bald head, and other things that will make life easier.
My loving sisters and family have started a fund, I was very mad about it, kinda still am. But I was told to suck it up cause people want to help.
Honestly it overwhelms me with appreciation, I could never say thank you enough to any of the people who have helped in any way, a text, a call, dinner, the dang donations, all the people who wear pink for me, all the prayers and positive thoughts, I can feel it all. It has helped me find a positive attitude about this and it has helped me find the good place I am in! 

So thank you, everyone! 

2-10

Today's the day, the beginning of the end of this crap! 

I have gotten so many texts, Facebook messages, and pink supports out there, it has made today start out great! 

I am not nervous, I am ready. 

I have it in my mind that chemo is my insurance, it is going to kill cancer, and I can go on with my life. 

To me, this could have been so much worst, "it" could be everywhere, and it's not, I have had the best outcome in a horrible situation. 

So to me I am ok with it all. 

I know it will be hard, but I know I can do hard things. 

I don't know how tired I will be so this might be the last post for awhile. 

I will probably have lots of days where my doors will be locked, windows shut, and my phone off. 

So if you don't call or text me, don't come banging on my door, I am not nice when I get woke up! Also If Your sick, stay away, no for real I don't want your germs.